Ways to Support Your Loved One During the Holidays
The holiday season can be a joyful time filled with family, celebration, and traditions. However, for individuals navigating eating disorder and mental health recovery, this time of year often brings unique challenges that may feel overwhelming. The holidays can be laden with food-centered gatherings, well-meaning but unhelpful comments from family members, and the pressure to "just enjoy the moment," which can add anxiety and distress for those in recovery.
As family members and caregivers, your support is invaluable during these moments. It’s not only possible but deeply meaningful to create a supportive, understanding environment that prioritizes connection, love, and mental well-being over perfection. By planning ahead, setting boundaries, and keeping open lines of communication, you can empower your loved one to experience the season in a way that honors their healing.
Though the holidays can be hard, they can also be a time for growth, resilience, and positive memories. With thoughtful planning and a bit of compassion, flexibility, and hope, families can transform holiday gatherings into moments of genuine connection, comfort, and encouragement. Here are ways to support your loved one as they work through recovery and experience the holidays with you.
🌟 Focus on Togetherness, Not Food
The holidays often center around meals, which can create stress for those with eating disorders. Try to shift the focus from food to the joy of spending time together as a family. Plan activities that don’t revolve around eating, like playing games, decorating, watching movies, or simply spending quality time talking. This approach can help take the pressure off food and create shared moments that everyone can enjoy.
📝 Plan Ahead & Schedule Check-Ins
Before holiday gatherings, work together to identify what support your loved one might need. Making an agreement on meal plans, food choices, and timing can help reduce surprises. To ensure your loved one has a safe way to communicate if they’re feeling overwhelmed, consider creating a “code word” for discreet check-ins. Setting up these support structures in advance gives everyone peace of mind.
To minimize holiday stress, identify potential triggers in advance and develop coping strategies together. Consider bringing along a list of calming skills they can use, like deep breathing or a small fidget toy, and find a quiet space or step outside together if they need a moment to reset.
If travel is part of your holiday plans, work together to plan where and how meals will happen, keeping in mind that familiar foods can provide extra comfort.
⏰ Keep a Structured Day
The more structure, the better. If your loved one has a meal plan, do your best to help them follow it by sticking to regular meal and snack times. For family-style or buffet meals, consider plating their food for them to reduce anxiety. Talk with their dietitian ahead of time if possible to build a holiday-friendly plan, which might include a few “fear foods” they’re ready to challenge, while still allowing for flexibility if things don’t go exactly as planned. If your loved one needs to have a supplement or replacement for food not eaten, offer to do this discreetly.
Taking it day by day and setting small goals for each gathering can help your loved one stay present and grounded. This will create a sense of accomplishment with each step forward.
🚪 Have an Escape Plan
Holiday gatherings can become overwhelming, and it’s important to respect when your loved one needs a break. Agree on an “escape plan” in advance in case they need to leave early or step outside. You might plan to drive separately or set a time limit that you can adjust if they’re feeling uncomfortable. Remember, it’s okay to step away if it means maintaining a sense of peace and safety.
🛑 Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries around diet talk, comments on appearance, or other potentially harmful conversations can protect your loved one’s mental health. Prepare gentle responses to redirect conversations, or quietly excuse yourself from these discussions if needed. And be mindful of commitments—overextending can lead to exhaustion and stress, so prioritize what feels right for you and your loved one.
💬 Validate Their Experience
The holidays can be uniquely challenging for those in recovery. Remember that if conflicts arise or if your loved one struggles, it’s the eating disorder—not them. Offer reassurance that you’re in this together, and acknowledge how tough this season can be. Validate your loved one’s emotions and be patient with the ups and downs of recovery.
And don’t forget to validate yourself. Supporting a loved one through recovery is an intense and often difficult process, especially during the holidays. Give yourself credit for the hard work and compassion you bring to your family.
🌸 Prioritize Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is vital to helping your loved one. The holiday season can be busy, but aim to engage in meaningful self-care, like spending time with loved ones, getting outside, or indulging in a favorite hobby. This helps you manage stress and stay grounded, making you better able to offer support.
Focus on values rather than perfection this holiday season. Whether it’s spending time together, connecting with friends, or simply enjoying a quiet moment, centering around what truly matters can create a peaceful and fulfilling holiday experience for you and your loved one.
🌲 Remember the Holiday Spirit
Above all, keep in mind that the holidays are a time to cherish each other. With a bit of planning and empathy, you can create a supportive environment that allows your loved one to feel safe, accepted, and included. Focus on joy, connection, and kindness, and allow yourself to experience the holidays together, one step at a time.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
If you are seeking eating disorder treatment or mental health therapy for you or your adolescent, Cypress Wellness Collective can help. Cypress Wellness Collective is located in the San Francisco Bay Area where they specialize in Family Based Treatment (FBT), therapy, and nutrition counseling for teens, adults, and families going through eating disorder recovery. They offer in person and virtual appointments throughout all of California. Call today for your free consultation to see if Cypress Wellness Collective is right for you!